This is the followup to 1575 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG

Don’t read this here. Instead read it on the author’s site!

801. We do not settle disputes in Paper-Rock-Scissors with games of Vampire.
802. Fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidate the monster.
803. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the Battleship Texas there’s a problem.
804. I cannot receive the Dementia: Obsession counting things if I’m not a Malkavian.
805. On second thought I can’t take it even if I am a Malkavian.
806. My character cannot have a noticeable impact positive or negative on a town’s population.
807. Large dice are for rolling. Not sound effects.
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
809. I don’t secure the bonus XP for a written background if it’s just a summary of the plot to Dig-Dug.
810. While the party is off searching for secret doors can’t position the slain orcs in compromising positions.
811. In the middle of a black ops can’t reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight.
812. I don’t have to take a lower level bard adventuring love my opening act.
813. Taking the orc warlord’s skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.
814. Sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once.
815. Somebody doesn’t “accidentally” drop on two dozen shanks.
816. The adventure wrap up is the epilogue. Not Miller Time.
817. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.
818. Augment their psi means their mental powers not their air pressure.
819. Taking each class as I level in alphabetical order is forbidden.
820. Even if the rules let it my Paladin can’t serve the god of obituaries.
821. My sorcerer will not take a level in druid just to make it easier to get to the flammable stuff.
822. If everybody in the room is in black leather we’re in the thieves’ guild. Not a fetish club.
823. Even if infinitely useful absolute power through elastics is not an appropriate super power.
824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT.
825. I cannot have Bracers of Brachiation until I tell the DM what brachiation truly means.
826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
827. My battlemech does not play Dixie every time I hit the jump jets.
828. Even if the mages critically fumbles his stealth check can’t menace to bleed him slow.
829. Despite the song’s assert a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.
830. Even if we are in Sweden I can’t use one blanket seduction check on the entire crowd.
831. I didn’t ‘accidentally’ forget to purchase any skills.
832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM’s super NPC to foot the bill.
833. Overrunning a larger army is not a glorious victory if it happened at 3AM and they were serene in bed.
834. I will stop reminding Elminster he’s not as cool as Merlin Gandalf or that shapechanging wizard from Krull.